Guest blog by Teddi Hofmann, a friend of Catherine Nix
Reflections from August 2016
I first became friends with Nixy while working at Teton Valley Ranch Camp during the summer of 2010. Following a few glorious months on the ranch, we, along with a large, rambunctious crew of recent college grads, decided to move to Jackson Hole for the winter. Our time together as dear friends, and, for a time, as roommates, was certainly exciting and entertaining to say the least. We shared skiing, biking, and hiking adventures, enjoyed nights out on the town, drank one-too-many beers at the Village, and participated in some friendly “competitive” events like the annual Jackson Hole Pole, Pedal, Paddle. We even went to Catholic Mass on occasion, most likely because we didn’t want our parents questioning our Jackson Hole lifestyle. No matter what the adventure or conversation, I will always remember how Nixy made me laugh.
Shortly after her memorial service in August 2015, Nixy’s family asked me to join in celebrating her life with friends and family by climbing the Grand Teton. I was honored and humbled by the opportunity to celebrate Nixy in such a way. So, as I prepared for the climb in the months leading up to the Grand adventure, I reflected on the time Nixy and I had spent together. I frequently found myself laughing out loud recalling stories she had shared and remembering some of the ridiculous situations we’d been in. However, those reflective moments of happiness were also accompanied by a heavy heart and overwhelming feelings of grief. As someone who does not process sorrow well, I became exhausted and avoided situations or conversations that made me sad. I was anxious about doing the climb because I was tired of grieving and didn’t want to cry anymore.
(L to R) Rob McCary, me, and Nix skiing in Jackson Hole
So it was with nervous thoughts and feelings racing through my mind and body that I joined friends and family on the morning of August 14th to climb the Grand Teton in celebration of Nixy’s life. We spent the first day on trails familiar to me from past adventures with Nixy. We shared a lot of laughs, chatted about the upcoming winter season and what “epic” lines we wanted to ski, discussed our visions of becoming “ballers” in our jobs and recreational activities, and of course, talked about the men in our lives. I felt completely energized and was blown away by the spirit, courage, and heart that everyone was willing to share as we continued the hike. Carrying Nixy in our mind and hearts, our group of new and old friends felt seamless.
When we reached the Lower Saddle at the end of our first day, we were greeted by mountain guides and welcomed into a fully equipped warming hut. Following a few high fives and bathroom breaks near the stinky pee rock, we unpacked our bags and fished for the large goodie bags of treats that everyone had hauled with them. Though we were all probably a little over prepared in this area, I know Nixy would have enjoyed the treats and the chance to offer her two-cents about which food would provide optimal physical performance the next morning.
Later that evening, we gathered on the saddle to gaze out at the valleys below. We took some time to reflect upon the emotional journeys we’d all been through, both together and individually. Words were spoken, tears were shed, and again, I felt a crushing ache in my heart. But this time I was surrounded by people that Nixy had held dear to her. Each of us had been working through the grief in our own ways, but in that moment, together, there was a sense of peace.
The next morning our group was up before dawn to summit the Grand. I kept my mind sharp and focused intently on performing the technical skills I had learned in the mountain guide training sessions the week prior. Determined to reach our goal, we moved with fluidity and purpose. Before long, we reached the summit and took in the 360-degree view from atop the Teton Range. Peering out across the sky, I was struck by a sense of awe and wonder of nature. While there is much in life that I don’t know and can’t control, by recognizing the unknown and taking ownership of my own struggles I have gained a deeper appreciation and respect for the healing process.
After a few minutes of celebrating our achievement on the summit, we began our descent back to the trailhead. With clear, sunny skies overhead, we took our time on the hike down, savoring our last few moments together on the trail. By late afternoon, we made it to the trailhead and were greeted by even more family and friends who welcomed us with hugs, high-fives, and a delicious spread of food and drinks for everyone to share.
What a gift for Nixy to have brought so many people together!
Grand Teton Climb for Nix, August 2016
I would never have understood how to recognize and experience my own heartache without the support of friends and family. But through the climb, and in my personal journey over the past couple of years, I have learned to embrace the struggles and beauty of life, love, and death, with an open heart. In sharing Nixy’s loss, I have been humbled and strengthened. And I have learned that with support from those around me, I can move forward each day with a lighter heart.